I please myself by spanking my ravishing bum so loud that people from the other room can hear it. Still not satisfied, I let my vibrator jackhammer me hard enough that I can't walk properly the next day.

I think I baked just about every flavour of pie there is on this planet by being the model housewife. The best pie does not involve an oven though. The recipe includes a dashing lad's dipstick, a bed-- though not necessarily, and my aching cunt.

I don't drink all the time, but when I do, I down all the bottle until I am completely knackered. I can handle my alcohol well despite my age, so you need to be a strong drinker if you want to see how crazy I am when I am hammered.

I'm a classy woman who loves herself and the people around her. She treats everyone well and is not impolite to strangers. I read all the time, and I enjoy TED talks. But when boredom creeps in, I go to a pub to have a sip of wine.

Not getting the chance to wank or shag makes me feel barmy! I would like to at least have one orgasm on a daily basis, thank you very much. I am content doing it on my own, but where's the fun in that? Why not be a dear, and help a good woman out?

Witty banters with young lads make my heart melt and my cunt wet. I always tell the young lasses to go for the ones with big brains rather than the ones with big packages. Even a woman of my age loves blokes who are good with words as well as their p...